This year we spent Thanksgiving in Scofield with the Frandsen side. Everyone was there, which was fun. (except for those who got the flu...I don't think they had as much fun) But we somehow missed out on that particular activity and had a great weekend. With Lots.Of.Food, of course!
The busy girls cooking away
One thing I am particularly thankful for is to be a parent. Instead of posting on facebook a daily "i'm thankful for..." I posted one novel-sized post to describe my thoughts on motherhood. It is the HARDEST job in the world but most certainly THE MOST WONDERFUL!!!! We are so grateful that God has entrusted 3 beautiful little girls to our care...
Posted November 27, 2013
I am thankful for my greatest calling. My greatest challenge. My greatest test, my greatest triumph, my most rewarding, most exhausting experience.
Motherhood.
A life-time of wanting, dreaming, planning to be a mom, all the books, all the examples in my own life, all the stories of others... none of it prepared me for what motherhood is truly like. In our minds we idealize what it will be like. We dream of bringing home a perfect cherub who we hear will wake up through the night, cry a lot, smell bad, spit up, and be a little frustrating once in awhile, but truthfully believe it won't be hard for me. After all, I've always wanted to be a mom. Then reality hits... you haven't had more the 3 straight hours of sleep in months and you are exhausted. Your baby cries whether you feed them, rock them, sing to them or put them in all the expensive equipment you bought. You haven't showered for several days... don't ask how many, because, well, it's embarrassing. Every time you lay your FINALLY sleeping wee one down, slip off your clothes and turn on the faucet, they start screaming again. Welp, slip on your only shirt that doesn't smell like sour milk and try again later.
But you know what.... it's totally and completely worth it. You hear your babies first cry and a love you could never describe washes over you so intensely that the only thing you can do is cry. You want to give your whole self to that child---and you do! Then there are those quiet moments at the end of each completely exhausting (emotionally, physically, spiritually) day when they fall asleep on your shoulder and their sweet breath completely intoxicates you. You would give your life in a heartbeat for that little stinky, crying, creature.
Then........... you dream of your perfectly behaved toddler. You imagine them taking their first steps into your arms and you imagine buying them their first tricycle. Teaching them words, singing nursery rhymes to them. And you do do those things. And your heart is full of joy beyond description. But 20 minutes earlier you also wanted to strangle them while they were throwing their umpteeth tantrum in Walmart because for some strange reason you didn't buy them the 18 teddy bears they wanted. You haven't gone to the bathroom without little fingers pawing under the door and them screaming for your attention......... in well, weeks? Years? Who knows.
You picture yourself teaching your children to read. You try... but no matter how many times you've taught them what sound A makes, they don't know and don't care. They climb on the clothes racks at the store, they press their face up against the glass and say really embarrassing things in public. Half the time they make you look like you are a terrible parent. They take their clothes off in public. They throw food while you are a restaurant. They use permanent marker on your brand new couch..........
But they also give the best hugs. They forgive you for raising your voice (even if you asked them nicely 4 times before yelling) They draw you pictures that you want to save for a lifetime. You take a picture of every waking moment and are convinced that they are the most precious child in all the world...........and you secretly KNOW they are cuter than everyone else's child.
They love you so perfectly and so freely. They make you laugh, they warm your heart with their thoughtfulness, they get so excited about EVERYTHING.................. they make your life complete.
I could go on and on about the ups and downs of each age I've experienced with my children. But you get the picture.
We have so many expectations of ourselves.. of each other.
There are days when I feel like the biggest failure! I yelled at my kids, I was grumpy that i had to take them with me EVERYWHERE I go. I feel a bit a resentment that I never have any money left over after dancing, school lunch, babysitters that cost more than the dates... I might even feel a bit envious (for a minute) of people that don't have to find a babysitter just to go to a movie. I even have to hold my kids half of my work outs... the other half the time I'm being the mediator of who stole who's toy and miss 5 minutes at a time. I rarely get to eat my own food by myself, I hardly ever get a full nights sleep and I would gladly do it over and over again.
My children are my entire world. I do my very best to raise these little immature beings but I myself am an immature being. I just happen to have lived a little longer than them. But I am still immature, I am still learning. And I GIVE MY WHOLE LIFE over to being a mother. I am on call 24-hours a day . Do I complain about it sometimes? Yes. But I don't know one single person with a paying job that doesn't complain about their work sometimes or never feel like they have enough vacation days. Yes, I complain and vent about the frustrations of having children, but I also complain about my own inhibitions. I have prayed and I have cried, and I have prayed some more for help being kinder, more patient, more gentle, more understanding. And you know, those prayers do get answered.... but never how I want. Those days I plead for more patience with my kids, my kids are even more taxing and more frustrating........ and more refining. I am a better person for those difficult days. I may not see it all the time, but I am a better person than I was 8 years ago.
Motherhood is a journey. It is hard, it is incredible. Having someone depend on you so completely is overwhelming at times, but I have never been more grateful for anything in my entire life. It has taught me what love really is. I have a greater understanding of what Heavenly Father's love for us is like. I am not the parent I always thought I'd be. Parenting is way harder than I ever thought it would be. But it is hands down, way way way better than ever imaginable. It's the funnest job in the whole wide world. It's taught me more about myself, my husband, and my Savior than anything else I have ever experienced. Yes, I am thankful to be a mother.
